THE BAD TEXTER

I’ve been seeing this guy for a little while, and everything is great in person. But when we’re apart it’s like texting him is a full-time job. His replies are dry, hours sometimes days late, and half the time he doesn’t even ask me anything back. I don’t need a guy who texts 24/7, but I do need someone who can hold a conversation. Am I being unreasonable for wanting more and is this a red flag?

There is nothing more frustrating than a guy who is amazing in person but texts like he’s being held at gunpoint. You know he’s capable of conversation, you’ve experienced it firsthand, so why does every text exchange feel like talking to  a brick wall? The one-word replies, the hours-long gaps, the refusal to ask you anything back is all giving bare minimum energy, and honestly it’s a major turnoff! Bad texting isn’t just about the messages, it’s about the effort (or lack thereof). And if he can’t even be bothered to send a text, what else is he going to half-ass? 

Sure, some people genuinely aren’t glued to their phones, and that’s fine. But if he can’t be bothered to send a thoughtful message, check in, or match your energy in any way, then he’s telling you exactly where you stand on his priority list. A guy who wants to talk to you will find a way to do it bad texter or not. Even if it isn’t the most riveting conversation, his presence would be obvious. The effort would be there. Effort is a choice. 

Now, before you start drafting his breakup notice, consider confronting him about it. You could tell him nicely but directly that you need some level of consistency, even if it’s just a check-in text once a day. Hopefully he takes it well and falls into a better texting routine with you. Or maybe compromise and say hey if you don’t like texting maybe we could talk on the phone at night to catch up about our day. Whatever feels right to you! But if he’s just going to continue giving the bare minimum, you might want to consider if the chemistry in person is really worth it. 

Here’s the thing - communication style matters. You shouldn’t have to beg for effort or convince yourself that ghost town level texting is normal. If his lack of communication is turning you off now, imagine how frustrating it’ll be down the line. If a guy who dodges texts already feels like a chore, save yourself the headache. The right one will want to talk to you, and it won’t feel like pulling teeth. Best of luck moving forward! Xo