ICK CULTURE

Please help! The “ick” is ruining my dating life. I’m having the hardest time looking past little things that gross me out about the guys I date. 

Ick culture has seriously gotten out of hand! The “ick” is an uncontrollable instant disgust with your significant other or potential significant other. Call it what you want… being cringey, secondhand embarrassment, a butt-clenching turn-off you cant ignore. Yes, "the ick” is vicious and unavoidable and happens in even the best partnerships. Your date snorts when he laughs, your girlfriend twists her ankle in her high heels, your boyfriend bites his fork. In the moment, you feel so grossed out by this person it is hard to look them in the eye. The problem with the ick culture is it has taken over our brains to a point where people can not distinguish between an ick and a nonnegotiable.

Think of an ick you have gotten with a specific date recently. Really reflect on the person and time together as a whole. Was that ick a fleeting reaction to something awkward, or is it a deeper incompatibility. If something your date was doing truly clashes with your values or lifestyle, that may be a legitimate reason not to see someone anymore - but that is not a silly little ick. One huge problem in the modern dating world is legitimate words are losing meaning. Not everyones ex is a narcissist, not every disagreement is gaslighting, not every person who moves a little fast is a love bomber, and not every quirk is a red flag.

If the ick continues to wreak havoc on your relationships, especially early on, try to shift your focus on the qualities you admire about the person. Write a list if it helps! People become more endearing over time if you give them the chance. There may also be a chance you are sabotaging yourself a little bit. Are you always running into icks, or are you looking for them? Soul search and make sure you are being fair to yourself and others in these dating scenarios. Explore if you are dating the same type of guy over and over, explore if your self-esteem is as high as it could be, explore if you have a fear of being intimate or vulnerable with new people. We can only control ourselves - look inward. 

Overall, just try to accept people for who they are and give them a fair shake. Everyone has quirks. Allow yourself to be open to new people and what they may bring to the table. Stop getting in your own way by running from these insignificant embarrassing moments, and start to really get to know people on a deeper level. Dating culture is horrifying enough, just try to be a human and remember these guys are human too. Give people grace. You may be missing out on the right guy... all because he laughs funny…